A teenagers funeral

[coastalgirl]

On Tuesday one of my son's closest friends commited suicide. He was only 17, and such a sweet boy. Tyler had just seen him and said he seemed fined. Anyhow my son is not taking this to well, he has lost a total of 12 people he knows in the last 2 years. And I think this one finally just broke him. Now all the others have been in car accidents or 4-wheelers, but never a suicide. We were just at a funeral last week for a boy who died in his sleep a night after his 1st football game as a senior, I had known this boy since he 4. I left the wake a total wreck. I can't do this anymore. All these young lives, so early. It just breaks my heart. This boys wake is in a couple of hours and I just can not seem to get it together to go. Everytime I think of what has to be done I just can't do it. I need to get food together to take to this family and I need to go for my own son, but I just can't stand to go to another wake and funeral of a child.
I am so sorry to bring everyone down. I am usually a strong person, the one who steps up and does what needs to be done, and then has a little cry in the bathroom when it's all over. But I just can't keep doing this.
I know I need to stay strong for my son, he is trying so hard to handle this like a man, which just makes me sadder. How can I help him, what do I say?


Lydia

[Hedy]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
My heart breaks for you, DS, the boy and his family.

[ItsmeSunnyV]

Aww Lydia. Give your son a BIG :hugs: from me. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. And just like me and you had just talked about last week. Sometimes, if you know someone else cant handle it, then you have to pull it together and be strong enough for the both of you. Just like I had to for my mom. I really had to pull it together, just because I knew if I was going to cry n hurt, she would hurt even more. It really is tough for a young man to show his emotions, but you just have to be there for him for when he does break, which I'm sure he will, you'll be there to let him know it's okay to let it all out.. :hugs:

Veronica

[DisneyMa]

oh dear, I have no idea how I would handle this! If your DS is willing to talk maybe someone at your church or school counsel? I can't imagine what you guys are going through. :hugs: :hugs: Happy thoughts for your friends and family.

[eaglesdare]

i am not sure there is anything you can say. nothing makes the death of a young person acceptable or even understandable.

but i am pretty sure, that just being there and letting your son talk to you or just plain being there for him, will help. he will know he is not alone. let him know you ARE there.


on another site i am a member, one of the gals 17 yr old daughter just passed, (car accident). hearing and reading about these early deaths just breaks my heart.


many hugs and prayers being sent your way. i am so very sorry for the loss of this young person.

my 2 yr old granddaughters father died when he was 23, only 2 yrs ago, my gd was only 4 months old and had just rolled over her very first time that day. her daddy never got to see it. he died that nite.

i am typing this now with tears.

i am sure others will feel the same, i believe we are all here for you.

[disney_girl]

My heart breaks for you! Sending you prayers and strength to get through this tragic time.

[m 'n c]

I'm sorry Lydia that you and your son are going through this. If your son wants to talk to someone but doesn't want to do it at school you should look into licensed social workers. I went to one back home when I was going through some stuff and it really helped. Its like going to a psychologist but different (not sure how to describe it - less mental maybe?).

[jnorth1007]

Perhaps you can have a talk with him and figure out something that you two can do that would help to remember these friends he had lost and also do something good. Maybe a fundraiser of some sort that he could raise money to donate in the names of all these friends. Perhaps raise money to buy some equipment for the football team in honor of his friends. I know this wont heal all of the wounds but if he can make something good happen maybe he can handle it a little better. I also think like the PP that talking to someone who is a couselor/religious leader may help also. You and your son and family are in my prayers.

[TIAMOMMA]

My heart goes out to your son and your family and the families of all of these young children. Twelve in the last year is unbelievable. Your son will need to talk to someone I think. It's understandable why this death has affected him so much - it was his best friend, correct? Many feel guilty after a suicide, they feel like THEY should have been able to do something, that THEY may have been able to prevent it. It's a hard thing to work through emotionally. :hugs:

[ligrumpygirl]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[faithhope]

:hugs: :cry: :hugs:

[arob414]

:hugs: I am so sorry and wish I could tell you what to do. I can't. But, I can tell you I am sorry and listen to you. And, give you a hug.:hugs: I would recommend some type of counselling for your son. I imagine he has other friends that are also having a hard time dealing with this. Maybe some type of group counselling, thru school. This has to be having a major impact on many of these kids.:hugs:

[bbangel]

Lydia, while you are finding help for your son, don't forget about you! This is awfully difficult stuff to deal with and no one should do it alone. Make sure you talk to someone.
I like the idea of you and your son finding a way to honour and remember the people he's lost. Even if it's just planting a tree or making some kind of memorial. I'm sure lots of the other people he knows would like to take part in something more positive as well.

[linanglab]

I do not have any words of wisdom. I am so sorry. Children are suppose to outlive parents. And when they don't, it is SOOO hard. Please speak with someone. Especially dealing with suicide....to make a child feel that hopeless is heartbreaking.....

Get help from a licensed councelor (I prefer a Christian councelor) for you and you poor son.

I will pray for you and your family, and your child's friends' family.

Angela

[coastalgirl]

Well, the wake and memorial service are over with here. Now we are driving to Louisainna tomorrow for his funeral.
The number is so high because this time last year 6 kids were in 1 car and it killed them all. It was a horrible accident, and so very sad.

Y'all thanks for all the kind words. I am sure he will talk to his youth minister on Sunday. They have called a couple of times but he just isn't ready to talk to anyone. Thanks for letting me vent. :hugs:


Lydia

[SunshineGirl]

Oh, Lydia. I am so, so sorry. That is just more than any teen should have to bear. Your son should be having fun with friends and not having to think about mortality at his age. My heart just breaks for all of the families that are having to deal with this.

When I was in law school, my cousin committed suicide. It really messed me up for a long time because I kept wondering if I could have done something. It was years before I stopped having nightmares and having to close my eyes when I watched scenes in certain movies. In retrospect, I should have gotten some counseling. But I was at a point in my life where it just wasn't feasible.

Take care of your son and take care of yourself, too. Be strong in your faith because it is times like these when it is the only thing you can hold onto. I agree with what some of the others have said about a memorial for a fundraiser. Sometimes taking that listless energy that you have inside can be channeled so that you feel like SOMETHING right can come out of the situation. :hugs: :hugs:

[speechteachri]

Nothing to add besides :hugs: and prayers for you, your son, and his friend's family.

[nurseminnie76]

I'm so sorry you are going through such a tough time right now. Lots of hugs and prayers for your family and all the other families touched by this tragedy.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: